Last week was such an incredible week around here at Curvy HQ! It was a really fun celebration of all we’ve done as a community, and I LOVED getting to talk with some of you on the free call.
We’ve got to do more of those, don’t you think?
Thank you, thank you for all your support!
In the midst of all the delight, though, I started to get a knawing feeling in the pit of my belly. And my inner critics (because you know I have more than one!) started showing up en masse.
I really have to hand it to those inner critics in some ways. Their messaging is always on point — in that it’s relentless and always knows just how to push my buttons.
Last week they said things like “No one really likes what you have to offer,” Or “Yeah, this is one good week, but that’s it. You’re basically done after this.” Or “People are only into this because they feel sorry for you. Too bad you’re not a better teacher.”
In other words, real gems.
I spent a day or two in a funk, fearing that the worst had come — that my inner critics were right. That it was all over.
I just have to mention again that this was happening in the midst of basically the best week ever. Because that’s how hard things get sometimes — and that’s when I have to be my most observant of my feelings (even though it’s the opposite of what I want to do).
Why this Plays Out
I’ve been thinking a lot about this cunundrum. Sometimes I think people explain this away as self-sabotage — as though on some level we don’t trust or believe enough that we’re successful, that we’re worthy of success.
And I do think that’s possible on some level.
But for me, I think there’s probably a more direct explanation:
I don’t trust that success stays. And why? Because 65 diets taught me that it’s not possible.
The only problem? I was never using the right metric in the first place.
The Dieting/Success Connection
As a chronic dieter, I framed success as losing weight. Period. It didn’t matter what else was going on in my life. If the scale was up 0.2 pounds, I was an unqualified disaster. Why even bother with anything else if I could’t do this one seemingly simple (which of course is completely untrue) thing?
I couldn’t make sense of how I could get degrees, work hard, win awards, etc. at school/work but never do the one thing that really mattered to me. Often, the only thing that mattered to me.
Of course, over time I began to change this mindset. I unpacked how toxic dieting was in my life, and I moved towards intuitive eating.
But for a long time I forgot to remind myself that there are other ways to be successful.
While I did drop dieting as a way of measuring success, I didn’t add in any others.
So when success came knocking, I turned it away, either not knowing what to do with it or feeling sure it had come to the wrong door.
As I realized this last week, I started thinking about how I don’t have to push success away. That it can have a place in my life — washing in as the dieting mentality continues to wash out. And with that, I took the weekend completely off work and got a pedicure.
Are there places in your life where you’ve been avoiding owning your success? Take five minutes today and do a brain dump of all the success in your life right now — just make a list of every single thing that comes to mind, no matter how big or small. And then find a way to celebrate wonderful you — maybe even by sharing a couple from your list in the comments below!