In the September issue of Glamour, Jess Weiner, a well-known body image advocate and Dove Campaign for Real Beauty spokesperson, shared a personal essay about her journey with weight, eating disorders, body image and loving her body. This piece is entitled “Jess Weiner: “Loving My Body Almost Killed Me.”
As I’m sure you can imagine from the provocative title alone, there were a flurry of responses within the body image blogosphere. Including a couple follow-up conversations with her for clarification.
In her esssay, Jess shares about making a shift from an eating disorder to loving her body, which for her included not focusing on her health or going to a doctor (although I certainly know, as she points out, that many curvy folks do the same because they often face bias in the doctor’s office). Once she decided to go, her doctor told her she needed to make some changes for her health. Thus scared, she set about a journey to change her behaviors — along the way, she wonders: “Was her body acceptance making her sick?”
As much as the set-up of this question irks me, I have to say that this it’s pretty easy to understand (although, in her case, I’d venture to guess that not going to the doctor for 16 years is more of a culprit than body acceptance). How many of us grew up knowing what it means to love our bodies? Or even care for them in the most nominal of ways? I know I didn’t. I didn’t care about my health at all back in the day — I was solely focused on my weight. In my world, the only way I could have even considered the idea of loving my body would have been through the lens of dieting: “If I really loved myself, I’d force myself to lose this weight come hell or high water.”
In other words, I equated loving my body with hating it into submission.
Of course, I didn’t see it that way at the time. But in retrospect, I see it plain as day. And I can also see where Jess could have gotten that idea, too. Do the Health at Every Size (HAES) or body image movements share that message? Nope. But it takes (at least for me) an incredible amount of work to parse out the subtlety of both loving your body and taking care of it after a lifetime of dieting and disordered eating. It’s not something you can just read about once and instantly apply to your life in an organic and comprehensive way.
Loving your body is highly individualized because we bring to it the same things we bring to everything in our lives — our full selves, including all of our beliefs, opinions and baggage. I think it took me about ten years to really get that loving my body meant addressing and embracing my health, not just my weight (and it’s something I’m still actively working on now). Pretty much everything else we encounter tells us the opposite — that loving your body = (said in my best menacing movie announcer voice) letting yourself go (whatever that means. That’s a blog for another day), mayhem & destruction.
As I chatted with some friends about this last week, we agreed that we’re glad to see this story in the news. It is a wonderful opportunity to pause, reflect and vocalize on what Health at Every Size and loving your body means in a full and lived way. It’s also a chance for me to share what it means to me personally because loving my body is what has truly brought me in touch with my health. So here we go:
Loving my own Anna body means…
- Practicing yoga that requires me to balance effort and ease on a regular basis.
- Sitting down for 10 minutes of meditation, morning & night. Every dang day.
- Eating a wide variety of fresh veggies (which I used to eat only begrudgingly from a can) because they are delish and have many health benefits.
- Creating opportunities for pauses so I can notice what’s going on in my life. This includes journaling, baths, walks, and chats with friends.
- Keeping my water bottle with me so I can stay hydrated because I feel irritable when I’m dehydrated.
- Reminding myself that self-care can’t get thrown out the window when things get stressful. More stress = more self-care is my new mantra.
- Eating something every few hours to keep my blood sugar stable so I don’t get a migraine. (Yes, even curvy gals like me have hypoglycemia!)
- Avoiding my migraine trigger food, garlic, at all costs.
- Getting my heart pumping several times per week because it keeps me sane, and I consider it my me-time – to listen to awesome audiobooks, watch some trashy TV or just connect with my breath.
- Going to therapy.
- Getting acupuncture treatments on a regular basis. Acupuncture radically changed my migraines for the better, so I keep up with it. Here in Nashville, we have a lovely community acupuncture place where I go that offers affordable, sliding scale pricing (plus, you get to nap in recliners!)
- Not eating gluten because it makes me feel like I’m getting the flu, which is a feeling I prefer to avoid.
- Maintaining my friendships, even when life gets busy, because community is so important to my well-being.
- Living with intention and attention, as my yoga teacher, Cora Wen, says.
- Designing my life. Thanks to my life coach in the Handel Method, I’m recognizing that I have the ability to get creative and do this. My days are full of choices, and I get to decide how to respond rather than being a passive recipient of what happens to me.
- Snuggling with my hubby and puppies.
- Feeling my feelings. After spending a lifetime not doing this, it’s a heck of a lot harder than it sounds, and 99.99% of the time, I’ll do anything not to. But it always comes back to bite me in the a** when I don’t.
- Sleeping 7-8 hours/night. I resisted the idea that I needed to do this for years, but I always feel at least 1000x better when I do.
- Reading books I find empowering and delightful – both because I love to read and because I always enjoy learning and reflecting.
- Take the best & leave the rest. With my polycystic ovarian syndrome, migraines and gluten intolerance, there’s a landslide of information out there about what I could or should do for optimal health. It’s pretty easy to switch this into the dieting voice (which always sounds like a drill sergeant in my head) about deprivation and shoulds. As I’m able, I do my best to take what I find relevant & leave the rest. As I said, I’m designing what works best for me, so I choose from this & that and don’t feel obligated to follow one particular plan.
So, this is my list. A dieting mentality response to this might say, “Oh, I should do everything on Anna’s list! What’s wrong with me that I don’t do x, y or z?!” A HAES and body-loving response, though, might say “Hmm…how interesting. This is what she does and why. I wonder what’s on my list?” I share this list not to be prescriptive but rather to illustrate all the ways I’ve gotten curious about my health and body and life since beginning to let go of dieting. What I’ve developed is uniquely specific to my body and health; no one could pick this up completely and just lay it on their own life. And who would want to? There’s no point, for instance, in avoiding garlic if you’re not allergic to it!
I can count the number of things I did on this list while I was dieting on, well, 2 fingers — I avoided garlic and practiced yoga (although I can barely even count yoga because even my practice was a dieting tool for many years). To me, this attitude of inquiry and attention to my health is my greatest success and what I love about the body love movement. I’m far more aware and in charge of my health than I ever used to be, and I now see that the changes I’ve made could only come from a place of deep and rooted love.
From this grounded, loving place, I’m also able to get further clarity on where I’d like to see my health path go. I make promises to myself about the things above and keep them, not because some imaginary diet fairy is forcing me to, but because loving my body and health is my highest priority. Might my weight change in the future? Sure. In my experience, that’s the nature of life — and weight — but the number on the scale is not the point to me anymore. And that is why I’m going to keep loving my body the best I’m able to, moment-to-moment, even as what loving my body means to me will (hopefully) continue to evolve.
I’d love to hear y’all’s thoughts on this! What does loving your body mean to you?
{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }
I absolutely adore this post and your thoughtful response. Thank you for the tips at the end. They are much appreciated.
Oh goodness, big thanks to you, Lexi! So glad you found it helpful!
Anna,
Seriously, you are amazing! What a beautiful post and words of profound wisdom, compassion and self-love. This is a message EVERYBODY needs to hear no matter what shape or size. I will certainly be passing this along to the Women’s Collaborative Circle community.
xo
Carly
Thank you, sweet friend! I totally agree that loving your body is something that people of all shapes and sizes can benefit from.
Thanks so much, beautiful post. I was not familiar with the Jess Weiner article, but will definitely check out now. I’ve definitely pondered the Dove campaign – mixed feelings for sure, although certainly a step in a positive direction.
I’m glad you mentioned POS. I don’t hear it mentioned often, and it really affects my family. If you have found anything to be helpful, I’d love to hear about it sometime.
Thanks, Madeleine! I’m with you on the ambivalence around the Dove campaign.
PCOS affects so many people! I think I’m going to have to cook up a little series of posts about it soon. It definitely affects people in different ways, but I’m happy to share what I’ve found useful and what resources I like.
Hi Anna! What a great post. I have struggled over my many years (44 today!) with the dieting yoyo/roller coaster ride, and to no avail. I have watched friends and family do the same. I have always believed that there was far more to it than just this diet or that. It was not until recently that I found out what an amazing tool yoga can be for the process of loving ourselves and our bodies. I am in your 30 days of Curvy Yoga class with Marianne and am loving every minute.
It is hard to accept ourselves when so many of us are not socially accepted, even within our own families. Recently, I was sharing the HAES philosophy with my mother and she looked at me with great concern and disapproval. I know that I believe that I can be healthy regardless of the “number on the scale” and I am fortunate enough to have a doctor that believes that as well.
Thank you for sharing your courage and wisdom.
Wow — what a powerful point, Tami. You’re exactly right that it can be one thing to move toward loving our own bodies and quite another to share that journey with others who might not be anywhere near the same place. I’ve had a similar experience with various family members. As hard as it is for me to remember this in the moment (and trust me, sometimes I find it nearly impossible!), it ultimately makes sense to me that people feel this way. It’s kind of similar to this post & how Jess couldn’t bring the ideas of health and loving her body together. It can feel so incongruous sometimes because it’s not like there are many people sharing their stories — especially in the mainstream press (you can find it more easily on the many fabulous body lovin’ blogs, of course) where many of our well-meaning friends and family are probably getting most of their information.
I know that in my family, we were all conditioned in the same ways to think that thin was our highest priority, so remembering that helps me come from a place of more empathy. I know exactly what their concerns are because I used to share them. I’ve found finding some connection with people around those things I have in common with them to be most helpful, but it can definitely be hurtful and challenging at times. Sounds like fodder for another blog post!
Thanks so much for the lovely comment — so glad you’re enjoying the 30 Days Course!!
Hey Anna,
I loved the way you’ve responded to these articles. I’ve read different responses and each one was different although the subject was the same.
I loved that you shared what you do for YOUR health. I must confess that at first I thought “wow, but I don’t do these things” and these thoughts usually trigger the mean perfectionist in me. But as I finished reading I felt calm and understood that this is your own personal way of taking care of yourself. Some things would be similar, others won’t, but the important thing is that we are looking for what makes us feel good. in a very personal way.
Thanks for sharing
Ah; thanks so much for your comment, Papu! I appreciate you sharing your journey; I think it’s so important for us to acknowledge what comes up around these issues and then share how we find a path through. Here’s to finding the Papu way to loving your body!
Thank you so much for this post. It’s such a thoughtful and compassionate response to the Weiner article and provides that missing link between her experience and what HAES actually stands for. I took your inspiration and blogged my own list of “what does it mean to love my body.” It was such a fun and affirming exercise. A good way to remember that there are ways to measure health besides the scale.
Thanks! How cool! Just checked out your list and site — both are so lovely! I tried to leave a comment on your blog but wasn’t able to, so here it is:
Oooh…what a fabulous, fantastic, incredible, wonderful list! LOVE it!!
Thanks for the support and inspiration! (And for the notes about comments, just figured out how to fix that!).
This is such a great post. Sometimes, I think we’ve been conditioned to view our bodies as “projects,” akin to a home improvement project–”if only my abs were better, this old body would be perfect!” When, really, aren’t our bodies pretty amazing? Look at all the things we can do–if we focus on what we’re capable of, our potential to create, rather than some physical ideal, does that give us a different appreciation for both our bodies and our happiness?
Yes, yes, yes! You’re exactly right — the project that (seemingly) never ends, right? Thanks for this fab reminder that our bodies are totally rad; it’s unbelievable what they do for us on a continual basis.
For me, “loving your body” means a few things:
* being open and responsive to the changes that go on each day
* not being hard on my body when it doesn’t live up to society’s standards
* not being hard on my body when it doesn’t live up to my self imposed standards
* constantly allowing for change in my self-imposed standards
* using it as it is and not waiting for the magical time when it will be more useful
* nourishing it
* moving it
* protecting it
* loving it
I’m sure there are many more but that gives you an idea. It isn’t just one thing but a collection of many things that are ever evolving.
Goodness, what a beautiful list! I was emphatically nodding my head with each one as I read through. I love how must space and softness your list allows for — room to change and grow is so important. Thanks for sharing!
Your post is thoughtful and on point especially at the end. I realize I still have a ways to go in self love. Your Curvy yoga has reminded me of the real goal of yoga which is the Self and not the advanced postures. I often get caught up with mechanics and stats of exercise instead of “feeding the spirit of my body.
Thanks for reminding me about the real spirit of yoga.
Thanks so much for your sweet words!
Massive article and just lovely, Anna. It’s tricky, this health/body image thing.
Sometimes I wonder how much we’d really care about body shape and size if we didn’t have all the media – print, TV, films, advertising etc – rammed down our throats every which way and nearly all day, every day. Even if you don’t watch TV, just moving about in our society means constant exposure to images that are air brushed into perfection that doesn’t really exist.
I know some very physically beautiful women but even they don’t look like all of those projected images that are meant to represent attractiveness and desirability. Then, there’s the rest of us – varying body shapes and sizes and degrees of so-called physical attractiveness. It’s rough. But if the public mirror wasn’t constantly held up to our faces, perhaps it really wouldn’t matter as much as it does. Who knows? I do know that I’m happy when I’m surrounded by nature and people that interact based on who we are, not what we look like.
And yes, I agree. Physical health of our bodies is not different from loving ourselves, although it’s often ignored. Even by so-called healthy/thin/ideal weight people.
Right now I’m in the process of dealing with thyroid dysfunction issues amd one thing I’m learning as a result is that the thyroid doesn’t care what you look like on the outside. It doesn’t matter how much you weight or what your life is like. Fact is, if your thyroid isn’t working properly for one reason or another, there’s a LOT of other stuff that doesn’t work, too.
It’s been a bit of a rude shock for me. But even moreso, it has taught me what I needed to learn all along. Which is what we all need to learn – self-nurture and self-love. In very real ways – getting enough of the right foods, enough sleep, gentle exercise, getting massages, acupuncture, osteopathy treatments and whatever else is required to come back into balance.
It’s been a learning curve, too, because I’ve never really taken care of myself quite like this. But now, I have to. It’s self-nurture or bust.
Ultimately, balance is what we’re seeking, right? In the way we view ourselves, and in the way our body functions.
Thanks for your, as always, thoughtful comment, my friend. I’m right there with ya with learning self-care through illness. It’s been a real pain (quite literally at times), but it’s also been a great teacher — I guess that’s part of the balance you’re talking about, which I definitely agree with. ♥
I love my size 10 body, and am so grateful it lets me practice and teach yoga. I’m also a doctor, and take care of lots of teen girls. My message to them is to be their own advocate, with boys, peers, and themselves. I think Jess Weiner was being her own advocate, so good for her!
On another note, “feeling your feelings” is much harder for me. I have trouble letting anyone care for me when I’m down, and prefer to cry quietly until I can show a brave face to the world. My therapist has been helping me understand that it’s not my job to keep everyone else in my life happy, and I am entitled to feel sad sometimes, angry sometimes, and cheerful most of the time. So thank you for sharing your list, and reminding me that I am not alone!
Yay for sharing the message of being your own advocate! That is so important, and I love that you’re helping young women realize that. They are fortunate to have you as their doctor!
I’m right there with you on the feeling your feelings gig. Definitely not my go-to, but I’m working on it little bit by little bit! As you said, it’s always nice to be reminded that many of us are right there together.
Anna, I love this wonderful exploration and explanation of what loving your body looks like for you when it is fully expressed. I actually had this idea on a list of possible blog posts and when I do it, I’ll definitely link to yours! Thanks for being so inspiring!
Right back atcha! Can’t wait to read yours! xo
“If I really loved myself, I’d force myself to lose this weight come hell or high water.”
I don’t how many times I’ve beaten myself up with this same mentality – the whole “OBVIOUSLY I don’t want to lose weight *badly* enough or I’d just suck it up and DO IT already. I’m SUCH a failure” deal.
I’m making miniscule baby steps toward self-acceptance and loving myself, but it’s not an easy task to turn around 33 years of negative self-treatment. Thank you for another perspective, and for sharing your list with us.
Anna, this is a gorgeous and provocative post. I love that it’s inspired so many of your readers to compile their own lists. As I read through these comments, though, I have to admit I felt a little sad.I recognized myself in your original post as well as in the comments. Such intelligent, creative and compassionate voices. And here we are . . . discussing weight. Yes, it’s a step in the right direction that we’re relating it to health. Still, there’s no denying that weight is front and center. We have so much to give the world, collectively. Our intelligence. Our creativity. Our compassion. And we ARE and DO contribute. Yet so much of my own energy still is diverted into this exhausting struggle for self-love, and I don’t think I’m alone in this. I want that energy for other things! Kudos on an excellent post. Thanks so much for sharing it.
oh, “feeling your feelings”… I got you on that one. it’s been years since I recovered from disordered eating as well, but I’m still working on that one, and I’d say binging actually reminds me to be mindful, reminds me to pay attention and ask myself: what’s going on?
we all have definitions of loving our bodies, and yours is a beautiful one…
This is an absolutely inspiring, thoughtful, empowering post. It honors the entire mission of our organization, See Beautiful. Would you mind if we cross listed it on our blog for our readers? We would of course give you credit and link back to the original. It’s just too good not to share.
Thank you, Lydia! I would be delighted for you to share this with See Beautiful. I love the work y’all are doing!!
To me, it means loving and accepting myself – even though I am currently at an unhealthy weight. It means making small changes at a time to reach a healthier lifestyle. It means accepting my epilepsy, and doing what I need to take care of it.
It means stopping the negative self talk every time I have a “bad” day or do something I think I “shouldn’t.
Thanks for the great article!
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