I recently traveled to my mom’s house. It was my dad’s birthday, and since it was our first without him, we wanted to spend it together.
To tell you the truth, I was not looking forward to this trip. At all.
For weeks, I was building up in my mind how terrible it would be. How everyone would be knee-deep in misery and I wouldn’t know how to handle it.
Opposite Emotions
My best friend was the first to point out one of my charming unconscious patterns: that when people have a strong emotional reaction, I tend to have the opposite reaction in order to diffuse the situation.
In other words, if someone is extremely angry, I’ll try to find the best in the situation. If they’re sad, I won’t find a tear within a 10 mile radius.
When she first told me this, I thought it was ridiculous. “I don’t do that,” I scoffed in my mind.
And then about 10 seconds later, I realized how right she was.
Hate it when that happens.
Lead Up
Now that the stage is set, you can imagine how I was expecting to feel in what I thought would be the land of despair: shut-down.
As in, completely.
I could hardly access any feelings about it while I was still home because I was already powering down. But I did try.
48 Hours
The last couple days of preparing for a trip are always hectic for me — getting the dogs ready, packing, beginning to wallow (okay, not every time, but definitely this time), etc.
Somewhere in the midst of this flurry, a thought hit me:
What if I expected a different outcome?
Huh? I wasn’t sure if I heard that thought correctly, so I paused and revisited it. And yep: the same thing came up again.
What if I expected a different outcome?
300 Reasons Why Not and 1 Reason Why
My mind immediately came up with a million reasons why this wasn’t possible: other people’s reactions aren’t within my control, this actually IS a terrible situation, how could I expect something better, I know these people and can predict their reactions, etc.
After an exhausting few minutes of reinforcing my negative fate, I realized I didn’t have anything to lose.
If I expected a more positive outcome and didn’t receive it, oh well. I’d just get the same thing I’d thought I would originally, which I’d been bracing myself for for weeks.
But if I got the more positive outcome? Well, that felt worth the risk.
The Outcome
As I headed up to my mom’s, I stayed focused in my mind on a loving, warm, open, bittersweet experience ahead of me.
What shocked me is what came next: I got it.
With my new attitude, belief and feeling (this is an important one. I practiced allowing myself to feel what I mentioned above — just for a few minutes each morning), everything was different. My family was doing better than I expected. I was doing a LOT better than I expected.
Sure, there was sadness — but it was primarily of the bittersweet quality. Being together gave us each a warm container to support and be supported.
And when others’ emotions showed up, I didn’t completely shut down. I softened and allowed them in — as well as my own. Was I a pro at it? Of course not.
But did I receive an incredible lesson in the power of our thoughts?
Oh, heck yeah.
